Thursday, October 28, 2010

Finally Starting to Notice

Yesterday was my 2 month Post Op, surgiversary.  I have lost a total of 93 lbs.  I know that I have lost a lot of weight, but yesterday, I really got to see the difference 2 months has made.

When I started my journey, I made a decision, to chronicle my weight loss, every way that I could.  I post blogs, I have a channel on You Tube, and I take pictures.  I took a picture on August 26, 2010, which was the night before my surgery.  I took a front shot, back shot, and a shot of me turning to the side.  On September 27, 2010, my one month Surgiversary, I took the same pictures of myself.  Last night, on my two month Surgiversary, I took the same pictures again.  In the pictures, I am wearing shorts and no shirt.

For the first time, in a while, I went back and looked at all the pictures I had taken.  Let me preface what I am about to say, by this: I know I have lost a lot of weight, and I have seen some changes in myself.  Other people have seen the changes, and have made many comments to me about them.  The problem is, when I look in the mirror, I still see a 365 pound person looking back at me.  Last night, when I looked back at the pictures, I was shocked at what I saw.

In my first picture, I looked horrible.  It doesn't even look like me, and frankly, I don't know that person.  While looking at it, I was shocked and ashamed that I let myself get that bad.  I can't believe that I ever looked that way, and I vowed to never look that way again.

In my second picture, I looked better.  I remember when I took that picture, and I thought how great I looked, and I felt that I had come a long way in one month.  In all honesty, I had lost a lot of weight at that time.  I had lost 60 lbs, at the time.

In yesterday's picture, I looked like a completely different person.  I finally noticed the change in my body.  I finally saw, what other people had been telling me.  It was a major boost to my self esteem.  I no longer look at myself as that 365 pound person.  I am a completely new person, and I like that.  The experience was a real eye opener for me.

I am sure, next month, when I take my picture again, I will look at the one I took yesterday, and see an even bigger change.  The changes are just starting.  I am liking my new self, and it is keeping me motivated.

Maybe, one day, I will be brave enough to post those pictures.  You will just have to stay tuned and see.

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