Looking Back, Celebration, and Success

2010 has been both a sad and triumphant year for me.  It began with the death of my mother.  She passed away on January 16, 2010.  The first part of my year, was the same as every year.  I was a miserable person, and hated myself, so of course nothing changed.

My wife had mentioned weight loss surgery to me many times in the past, and in May I decided to go to a free seminar, and hear about it first hand.  Looking back, I don't know why I agreed to do that.  I guess I wanted my wife to quit nagging me about it, so I went.  I remember the seminar, and my reaction to it.  I thought that WLS was the easy way out, and that I could lose weight by myself. 

I knew going in that my insurance would not pay for the surgery, so I got the price list, and I went home, and my wife and I discussed it.  We went into this, exploring the Lap Band, but after looking at the cost, we noticed that VSG, was only about $500 more than the Lap Band, so we decided that was the surgery for us. 

On August 27, 2010 at 8:30 am, my life changed forever.  Not just physically, but mentally.  I guess you can say, that I had an epiphany.  I realized that I had a second chance at life, and I decided to take full advantage of it.

My journey has been a huge success.  I have lost a lot of weight in a very short period of time.  I changed as a person, over night.  All of this sounds great, but I wasn't fully prepared for what happened to me.  I wasn't prepared for how emotional this journey would be.  I wasn't prepared for how much I would change as a result of this surgery.  Cognitavely I knew I would lose weight going into this, but I didn't know that EVERYTHING else would change right a long with that.  The change was good, and positive.

The biggest change has been that I have self confidence, and self esteem again.  As a result, everything has fallen into place.  I like being out of the house.  I don't like laying around and watching sports all day on the weekends anymore.  I enjoy going to work everyday, and I like changing the way things are done there.  I have fallen in love with my wife, and her and my relationship, is the best it has ever been.  I enjoy spending time with my children, and honestly love hearing about what they have going on in their lives.  I listen to people, and try to understand their point of view on things, and really listen to any advice they give me.  I follow through on every promise that I make.  If I say I am going to do something, you can trust it will get done.  Even if something bad happens, I put a positive spin on it, and try to learn from it.  I get excited about things, and look forward to each new day.  I live day by day, and do not live in the past, and do not live in the future.  I do make plans for the future, but I try not to predict what will happen tomorrow.  I am more out going as a person, and I enjoy meeting new people, and getting to know them.  I put myself out there, and I have seen that nothing but good things have come from it.  That is what I have accomplished this year.  I am FAR from being 100% of what I want to be, but there are some areas that I will work on, to become a better person.

In the beginning, I used to measure my success at this, by how much weight I lost.  I needed that to stay motivated.  Currently, I am only weighing myself once a month, and I have begun measuring my success by the growth I am making as a person.  If I stayed at the weight I am now, I would be happy.  My growth as a person, is the most important thing to me.  That is how I am measuring success.

Each and everyday is a celebration for me.  I celebrate in the mornings, when I put on smaller clothes.  I celebrate at work, when I accomplish a task.  I celebrate when I do something, that I couldn't do before.  This New Year's Eve, my wife and I are going to host a New Year's Eve Party.  The theme will be CELEBRATE!  We want to share our success with our close friends and family.  We will be sharing something that has been private, with other people.  I am looking forward to this!!

Bucky

I have named my pouch.  His name is Bucky.  Over the past few months, I have learned what Bucky likes, and dislikes.  For the most part, Bucky is not picky.  But there are somethings that Bucky hates. 

Bucky hates popcorn.  It hurts to eat that.  Funny, because before I used to love popcorn.  I can't smell popcorn, without having to have some, but it makes Bucky angry.  Bucky, doesn't like plain white rice.  That is a good thing, because he is not suppose to have white rice.  He does like jasmine rice though.  Bucky does not like chewy bacon.  When Bucky has bacon, it has to be extra crispy, almost burnt.  Sometimes Bucky does not like steak.  It all depends on how tough the steak is. 

Bucky likes Indian Food.  Especially Nan sopped with sauce.  Bucky likes whole wheat pasta.  Especially the Barilla, infused with extra protein.  Bucky likes sausage.  Every kind of sausage.  Bucky likes taco night, and all mexican food.

I am still getting used to Bucky, but all in all, Bucky is very happy, and I am very happy to have Bucky

Last Weekend

Well it finally happened!  Last weekend I needed some new pajama pants.  So, I went to Old Navy.  I haven't been able to shop in a normal store for about 7 years.  I picked a pair of XL pajama pants.  I went to the dressing room to try them on.  I sat in the room for a long time looking at the pants, and thinking they would never fit me.  Finally, I tried them on, and they fit, and even had extra room.  That felt really good!

New Milestone

Yesterday, I went to Old Navy to get some pajama pants.  This may sound weird, but I didn't actually think I was going to get any, I just went there because my mom had gotten me some pajama pants there a bunch of years back.  I found the pants, and I looked at them closely.  I didn't know what size I was, so I grabbed a pair of XL pants.  I held them up and looked them over.  They looked so small.  I took them to the dressing room and tried them on.  I was in the room by myself for a long time looking at them.  Finally, I took the dive, and tried them on.  Not only did they fit, but there was PLENTY of extra room. I sat down, and got emotional.  You know, I really didn't expect to get that way, it just happened.

I got dressed and left the room.  My wife saw me and asked did they fit?  I was so emotional, that I handed them to her and said, what do you think?  In the end, I decided not to buy them, because they were $17.50, and I couldn't justify spending so much on something that wasn't going to last.  So I realized that I was a small size, and I also realized that I will get smaller.  It was a good day