2010 has been both a sad and triumphant year for me. It began with the death of my mother. She passed away on January 16, 2010. The first part of my year, was the same as every year. I was a miserable person, and hated myself, so of course nothing changed.
My wife had mentioned weight loss surgery to me many times in the past, and in May I decided to go to a free seminar, and hear about it first hand. Looking back, I don't know why I agreed to do that. I guess I wanted my wife to quit nagging me about it, so I went. I remember the seminar, and my reaction to it. I thought that WLS was the easy way out, and that I could lose weight by myself.
I knew going in that my insurance would not pay for the surgery, so I got the price list, and I went home, and my wife and I discussed it. We went into this, exploring the Lap Band, but after looking at the cost, we noticed that VSG, was only about $500 more than the Lap Band, so we decided that was the surgery for us.
On August 27, 2010 at 8:30 am, my life changed forever. Not just physically, but mentally. I guess you can say, that I had an epiphany. I realized that I had a second chance at life, and I decided to take full advantage of it.
My journey has been a huge success. I have lost a lot of weight in a very short period of time. I changed as a person, over night. All of this sounds great, but I wasn't fully prepared for what happened to me. I wasn't prepared for how emotional this journey would be. I wasn't prepared for how much I would change as a result of this surgery. Cognitavely I knew I would lose weight going into this, but I didn't know that EVERYTHING else would change right a long with that. The change was good, and positive.
The biggest change has been that I have self confidence, and self esteem again. As a result, everything has fallen into place. I like being out of the house. I don't like laying around and watching sports all day on the weekends anymore. I enjoy going to work everyday, and I like changing the way things are done there. I have fallen in love with my wife, and her and my relationship, is the best it has ever been. I enjoy spending time with my children, and honestly love hearing about what they have going on in their lives. I listen to people, and try to understand their point of view on things, and really listen to any advice they give me. I follow through on every promise that I make. If I say I am going to do something, you can trust it will get done. Even if something bad happens, I put a positive spin on it, and try to learn from it. I get excited about things, and look forward to each new day. I live day by day, and do not live in the past, and do not live in the future. I do make plans for the future, but I try not to predict what will happen tomorrow. I am more out going as a person, and I enjoy meeting new people, and getting to know them. I put myself out there, and I have seen that nothing but good things have come from it. That is what I have accomplished this year. I am FAR from being 100% of what I want to be, but there are some areas that I will work on, to become a better person.
In the beginning, I used to measure my success at this, by how much weight I lost. I needed that to stay motivated. Currently, I am only weighing myself once a month, and I have begun measuring my success by the growth I am making as a person. If I stayed at the weight I am now, I would be happy. My growth as a person, is the most important thing to me. That is how I am measuring success.
Each and everyday is a celebration for me. I celebrate in the mornings, when I put on smaller clothes. I celebrate at work, when I accomplish a task. I celebrate when I do something, that I couldn't do before. This New Year's Eve, my wife and I are going to host a New Year's Eve Party. The theme will be CELEBRATE! We want to share our success with our close friends and family. We will be sharing something that has been private, with other people. I am looking forward to this!!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Bucky
I have named my pouch. His name is Bucky. Over the past few months, I have learned what Bucky likes, and dislikes. For the most part, Bucky is not picky. But there are somethings that Bucky hates.
Bucky hates popcorn. It hurts to eat that. Funny, because before I used to love popcorn. I can't smell popcorn, without having to have some, but it makes Bucky angry. Bucky, doesn't like plain white rice. That is a good thing, because he is not suppose to have white rice. He does like jasmine rice though. Bucky does not like chewy bacon. When Bucky has bacon, it has to be extra crispy, almost burnt. Sometimes Bucky does not like steak. It all depends on how tough the steak is.
Bucky likes Indian Food. Especially Nan sopped with sauce. Bucky likes whole wheat pasta. Especially the Barilla, infused with extra protein. Bucky likes sausage. Every kind of sausage. Bucky likes taco night, and all mexican food.
I am still getting used to Bucky, but all in all, Bucky is very happy, and I am very happy to have Bucky
Bucky hates popcorn. It hurts to eat that. Funny, because before I used to love popcorn. I can't smell popcorn, without having to have some, but it makes Bucky angry. Bucky, doesn't like plain white rice. That is a good thing, because he is not suppose to have white rice. He does like jasmine rice though. Bucky does not like chewy bacon. When Bucky has bacon, it has to be extra crispy, almost burnt. Sometimes Bucky does not like steak. It all depends on how tough the steak is.
Bucky likes Indian Food. Especially Nan sopped with sauce. Bucky likes whole wheat pasta. Especially the Barilla, infused with extra protein. Bucky likes sausage. Every kind of sausage. Bucky likes taco night, and all mexican food.
I am still getting used to Bucky, but all in all, Bucky is very happy, and I am very happy to have Bucky
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Last Weekend
Well it finally happened! Last weekend I needed some new pajama pants. So, I went to Old Navy. I haven't been able to shop in a normal store for about 7 years. I picked a pair of XL pajama pants. I went to the dressing room to try them on. I sat in the room for a long time looking at the pants, and thinking they would never fit me. Finally, I tried them on, and they fit, and even had extra room. That felt really good!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
New Milestone
Yesterday, I went to Old Navy to get some pajama pants. This may sound weird, but I didn't actually think I was going to get any, I just went there because my mom had gotten me some pajama pants there a bunch of years back. I found the pants, and I looked at them closely. I didn't know what size I was, so I grabbed a pair of XL pants. I held them up and looked them over. They looked so small. I took them to the dressing room and tried them on. I was in the room by myself for a long time looking at them. Finally, I took the dive, and tried them on. Not only did they fit, but there was PLENTY of extra room. I sat down, and got emotional. You know, I really didn't expect to get that way, it just happened.
I got dressed and left the room. My wife saw me and asked did they fit? I was so emotional, that I handed them to her and said, what do you think? In the end, I decided not to buy them, because they were $17.50, and I couldn't justify spending so much on something that wasn't going to last. So I realized that I was a small size, and I also realized that I will get smaller. It was a good day
I got dressed and left the room. My wife saw me and asked did they fit? I was so emotional, that I handed them to her and said, what do you think? In the end, I decided not to buy them, because they were $17.50, and I couldn't justify spending so much on something that wasn't going to last. So I realized that I was a small size, and I also realized that I will get smaller. It was a good day
Friday, November 26, 2010
First Thanksgiving Post Op and Other Stuff
Well, my first Thanksgiving Post Op, was yesterday. I won't say that I was nervous, about the day going in, but I will say I was a bit worried. Thanksgiving is an obese person's dream. You eat all day, take a nap, sit around and watch football, and eat some more. The average Thanksgiving meal is 2,000 calories. This was, also, my first Thanksgiving without my mother. We went to her house, each Thanksgiving, and ate and ate. We would then bring leftovers home and eat some more. Thanksgiving, is also, my favorite holiday. So I had somethings working against me.
Because of all of this, I decided to have a theme for my Thanksgiving this year. I called it: New Traditions. Because of our surgery, we could no longer make the day about the meal. Instead, I wanted to make it about being with family and friends. We invited, my inlaws, my sister, and my friend that had the same exact surgery as I had, on the same exact day. He and I are surgery twins, and have gotten really close because of that. I told everyone to come over at 9:00 am, and we would cook together, and watch the parade, and catch up. I really needed this, for myself. I told everyone, how imporant this was to me.
Well 9:00 am came, and no one was here. My wife, and kids, were running around, getting ready, and I was stuck watching the parade, which I don't really like, by myself. It got to be 10:00 am and I was all alone, and I started to get a little depressed. I had told everyone, how imporant this was to me, and it seemed like no one cared. I got up, and went to my room, and laid down for a nap. I had given up on the day, and I was very frustrated, and just thought that no one cared about what I was trying to do. My wife, and kids sensed that there was something wrong, and each kid came in the room, and asked me to come back down stairs. I told them I was napping. I had just given up.
While, I was in my room, my friend called, and said he had over slept, and would be over by 11:00 am. My sister called, and said she would be late. My inlaws, were late as well. I woke up at about 10:45, and came back down stairs. I was in a bad mood, but I knew I had to get dinner done. So, I went into the kitchen, and started getting ready to make the stuffing. My wife came in, and asked to help. I was short with her, and didn't want to talk. I began making the stuffing, and she told me to snap out of it. As I was making the rest of the food, I decided, that, obviously, the day was not supposed to go the way I planned, so, I just rolled with the punches.
Finally, my inlaws, were the first to arrive. They came at about 11:10 am or so. So I began to get a little festive, and my mood started to improve. I got a text from my sister at 11:35 that said she was leaving her house. I got a call from my friend, and he said he was on his way, but was lost. So I directed him to the house. He got here at about 11:45, and my mood immediately got better. I introduced him around, and we sat and chatted for a bit. Finally, my sister arrived, and we were all ready to eat, and enjoy the day.
Normally, we would spend $250.00 on our big meal for the year. This year, we spent $35.00. We bought the smallest turkey, we bought some stuffing, mashed potatoes, and some green beans. I made, about 1/3 of what I would normally make for our dinner. We stayed away, from buying things like pie, and mac & cheese, which is a family tradition. So we made our plates, and I put very little food on it. I put a small piece of turkey, half a spoonful of stuffing, and a spoonful of mashed potatoes. My wife, did the same. This was the first time I had seen my friend eat, and I was a bit shocked, by how much food he served himself. I thought in the back of my mind, that there was no way he would finish his plate. He made a comment, about how little food, my wife and I served ourselves. Then he was shocked, when I said I wouldn't be able to finish it.
So we sat around, and ate our dinner. We chatted about what was going on, and how our lives have changed this year. How this was the best year of our lives. It takes me a long time to eat, about 20 mins or so, so we chatted about everything under the sun. I didn't finish what was on my plate, and I remained at the table talking with my friend, and my wife. I was a little shocked, that my friend finished his plate, and that he ate a lot quicker than I did. I learned something a long time ago. When someone has this surgery, it is their journey, and not mine. Everyone is different, and just because I do something, doesn't mean that everyone else, can or will do it. For me, I only eat until I feel something in my pouch, and then I stop. I never get the feeling of being full, because I don't like that feeling, and I am afraid that I will stretch my pouch. The doctor said that, that is what you are supposed to do, so that is what I do.
I left the table, and sat down to watch some football. I didn't really watch the game, which is odd for me, I was more interested in the conversation that was going on around me. I chatted with my sister, about what was going on in her life. She has not had the same great year that I have had, but all in all, her year could of been worse. I chatted with my friend about his life, and I was really enjoying our conversation. My wife came in, and joined us, and we all talked and talked. I couldn't tell you what the final score of the game was, because I was so engaged in what was going on around me.
My wife, said that I was boring everyone with football, so instead of watching the second game, we watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. I had only seen bits and pieces of that movies, so I was game for that. I was afraid, that when the movie came on, that we would be focused on that and not have any conversation.
During the movie, my friend fell asleep, and my wife talked with her parents. Her parents, do not speak a lot of English, so she was translating the movie to them. Towards the end of the movie, my friend woke up, and decided to leave. We gave him some leftovers to take home, and I walked him out. I came back in, and finished the movie. After the movie was over, we all sat down, for dinner. We ate, and then, my wife and her mom cleaned up. My inlaws left around 7:30 pm or so, and my wife and I watch a little TV and I went to bed.
Although, my day did not start as planned, we accomplished what we set out to do. We made the day about spending time with our family, and not the meal. Food did not dominate the day. I didn't eat myself silly, or take a nap. All in all a good day, and the start of a new tradition.
I was excited for Thanksgiving weekend, for many reasons. Firstly, Thanksgiving itsself, and also, my wife and I are leaving today to spend the three day weekend ALL BY OURSELVES!!! We have not spent a weekend alone, in over 4 years. we really need this time, to rejuvinate our relationship.
Before surgery, my wife and my relationship was awful. Had we done nothing about it, we would probably be on the verge of divorce right now. Because of our weight, and our laziness, we had fallen out of love with each other, and were together out of habit. We always loved each other, mind you, but the spark was gone, and we spent a majority of our time, making promises to each other, that were never kept, and fighting.
Since our surgery, we have completely changed as people. We make promises, and keep them. We keep each other on track, and I have fallen back in love with my wife. I look forward to coming home each day, and most of the time, we don't watch TV, anymore, we sit and chat about things. We do not bring up the past, that is a rule. We talk about what is currently going on, and give each other advice on how to make things better in our lives. This is fresh start with our weight loss and our lives. I am veiwing this as a fresh start to our relationship as well. I have been with my wife for 15 years, and, today, I feel like a 15 year old boy when I am with her.
I am really looking forward to this weekend!!!
Because of all of this, I decided to have a theme for my Thanksgiving this year. I called it: New Traditions. Because of our surgery, we could no longer make the day about the meal. Instead, I wanted to make it about being with family and friends. We invited, my inlaws, my sister, and my friend that had the same exact surgery as I had, on the same exact day. He and I are surgery twins, and have gotten really close because of that. I told everyone to come over at 9:00 am, and we would cook together, and watch the parade, and catch up. I really needed this, for myself. I told everyone, how imporant this was to me.
Well 9:00 am came, and no one was here. My wife, and kids, were running around, getting ready, and I was stuck watching the parade, which I don't really like, by myself. It got to be 10:00 am and I was all alone, and I started to get a little depressed. I had told everyone, how imporant this was to me, and it seemed like no one cared. I got up, and went to my room, and laid down for a nap. I had given up on the day, and I was very frustrated, and just thought that no one cared about what I was trying to do. My wife, and kids sensed that there was something wrong, and each kid came in the room, and asked me to come back down stairs. I told them I was napping. I had just given up.
While, I was in my room, my friend called, and said he had over slept, and would be over by 11:00 am. My sister called, and said she would be late. My inlaws, were late as well. I woke up at about 10:45, and came back down stairs. I was in a bad mood, but I knew I had to get dinner done. So, I went into the kitchen, and started getting ready to make the stuffing. My wife came in, and asked to help. I was short with her, and didn't want to talk. I began making the stuffing, and she told me to snap out of it. As I was making the rest of the food, I decided, that, obviously, the day was not supposed to go the way I planned, so, I just rolled with the punches.
Finally, my inlaws, were the first to arrive. They came at about 11:10 am or so. So I began to get a little festive, and my mood started to improve. I got a text from my sister at 11:35 that said she was leaving her house. I got a call from my friend, and he said he was on his way, but was lost. So I directed him to the house. He got here at about 11:45, and my mood immediately got better. I introduced him around, and we sat and chatted for a bit. Finally, my sister arrived, and we were all ready to eat, and enjoy the day.
Normally, we would spend $250.00 on our big meal for the year. This year, we spent $35.00. We bought the smallest turkey, we bought some stuffing, mashed potatoes, and some green beans. I made, about 1/3 of what I would normally make for our dinner. We stayed away, from buying things like pie, and mac & cheese, which is a family tradition. So we made our plates, and I put very little food on it. I put a small piece of turkey, half a spoonful of stuffing, and a spoonful of mashed potatoes. My wife, did the same. This was the first time I had seen my friend eat, and I was a bit shocked, by how much food he served himself. I thought in the back of my mind, that there was no way he would finish his plate. He made a comment, about how little food, my wife and I served ourselves. Then he was shocked, when I said I wouldn't be able to finish it.
So we sat around, and ate our dinner. We chatted about what was going on, and how our lives have changed this year. How this was the best year of our lives. It takes me a long time to eat, about 20 mins or so, so we chatted about everything under the sun. I didn't finish what was on my plate, and I remained at the table talking with my friend, and my wife. I was a little shocked, that my friend finished his plate, and that he ate a lot quicker than I did. I learned something a long time ago. When someone has this surgery, it is their journey, and not mine. Everyone is different, and just because I do something, doesn't mean that everyone else, can or will do it. For me, I only eat until I feel something in my pouch, and then I stop. I never get the feeling of being full, because I don't like that feeling, and I am afraid that I will stretch my pouch. The doctor said that, that is what you are supposed to do, so that is what I do.
I left the table, and sat down to watch some football. I didn't really watch the game, which is odd for me, I was more interested in the conversation that was going on around me. I chatted with my sister, about what was going on in her life. She has not had the same great year that I have had, but all in all, her year could of been worse. I chatted with my friend about his life, and I was really enjoying our conversation. My wife came in, and joined us, and we all talked and talked. I couldn't tell you what the final score of the game was, because I was so engaged in what was going on around me.
My wife, said that I was boring everyone with football, so instead of watching the second game, we watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. I had only seen bits and pieces of that movies, so I was game for that. I was afraid, that when the movie came on, that we would be focused on that and not have any conversation.
During the movie, my friend fell asleep, and my wife talked with her parents. Her parents, do not speak a lot of English, so she was translating the movie to them. Towards the end of the movie, my friend woke up, and decided to leave. We gave him some leftovers to take home, and I walked him out. I came back in, and finished the movie. After the movie was over, we all sat down, for dinner. We ate, and then, my wife and her mom cleaned up. My inlaws left around 7:30 pm or so, and my wife and I watch a little TV and I went to bed.
Although, my day did not start as planned, we accomplished what we set out to do. We made the day about spending time with our family, and not the meal. Food did not dominate the day. I didn't eat myself silly, or take a nap. All in all a good day, and the start of a new tradition.
I was excited for Thanksgiving weekend, for many reasons. Firstly, Thanksgiving itsself, and also, my wife and I are leaving today to spend the three day weekend ALL BY OURSELVES!!! We have not spent a weekend alone, in over 4 years. we really need this time, to rejuvinate our relationship.
Before surgery, my wife and my relationship was awful. Had we done nothing about it, we would probably be on the verge of divorce right now. Because of our weight, and our laziness, we had fallen out of love with each other, and were together out of habit. We always loved each other, mind you, but the spark was gone, and we spent a majority of our time, making promises to each other, that were never kept, and fighting.
Since our surgery, we have completely changed as people. We make promises, and keep them. We keep each other on track, and I have fallen back in love with my wife. I look forward to coming home each day, and most of the time, we don't watch TV, anymore, we sit and chat about things. We do not bring up the past, that is a rule. We talk about what is currently going on, and give each other advice on how to make things better in our lives. This is fresh start with our weight loss and our lives. I am veiwing this as a fresh start to our relationship as well. I have been with my wife for 15 years, and, today, I feel like a 15 year old boy when I am with her.
I am really looking forward to this weekend!!!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Real Concerns
I am not going to say that I am not happy about losing 107 lbs in 12 weeks. I am exstatic about it. I am really happy, and it keeps me motivated and happy. I can't believe I have lost so much weight in a very short period of time. I am not a patient person at all, so this has really been motivating and exceiting to me. However, I am worried about something.
I surround myself, with people that have had Bariatric Surgery. I have watched people on You Tube, that have had surgery. I have watched a lot of people's videos, and I have done a lot of research. I have NEVER EVER come accross someone that has lost as much weight as I have, in the short amount of time that I have. I am not questioning it, mind you, but I am a little concerned that I am losing weight too fast. I have gone over everything that I am doing, and I am following the rules. I am taking the right amount of protein per day, so I am not losing muscle. I am eating about 3 ozs of food per meal, which is normal. I am getting all of my vitamins, daily. I am walking every weekday morning, for at least a mile or more. I am being active, and living a more active lifestyle. I am not eating anything that I shouldn't be eating. In short, I am good with structure, and routine, and I am following it exactly. I spent a lot of money on this surgery, and I don't want to screw it up. I am just concerned that I am losing weight too fast. In my research, I have found that it takes most people, at least six months to lose 100 lbs. It has taken me 11 weeks. When I had my pre op, I remember them testing my metobolism, and I burned 4,000 calories a day, doing nothing. Right now I am taking in about 900 - 1,000 calories per day, so maybe that is the reason I am losing so fast. Again, I am not questioning it, I am just a little concerned sometimes. I weigh myself weekly, and I have gotten used to such big numbers, that I get a little frustrated on a week where I have lost like 3 - 4 lbs. Then the following week, I make up with for it with another big loss.
Another thing I thought of was, what if I don't stop losing weight, when I feel I have reached my goal? I think a good weight for me is 180 - 190. What if I continue losing, after that goal has been met? I know, it will eventually stop, but I dont want to be rail thin. I mean, that would be the opposite problem, of what I had before. I have always been a big, strong guy, and I like that about myself, so being rail thin, would bother me. It isn't like there would be anything I could do about being so thin. I mean I couldn't just eat more, and gain weight. I guess I would just have to live with it. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes.
I want to say to anyone that is reading this, that is considering weight loss surgery. My insurance would not cover my surgery. I spent $17,900.00, and my wife spent the same. We financed $25,800.00 of the total. I want to tell you that we struggle financially to pay this debt off every month. We have given up a lot of things that we used to do. We have given up Christmas, Valentine's Day, Birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and pretty much, every gift giving event. We only buy presents for our kids, and we give them a cap of about $100.00, per event. We have scaled back on everything in our house that is not absolutely an essential. We do not take family vacations, and when we do go out, we do things for free, or close to free. We have completely changed our lifestyle. We used to spend a lot of money on things, but we are no longer able to do that. If we go out to dinner, or spend money on something we go out to do, we veiw that as a treat., and it happens MAYBE once a month. I drive an 8 year old car, and it has to last another 3 years. We don't buy things that we want, only things that we absolutely need.
The point of me telling you all of that, is that I have NO REGRETS! I would do it again tomorrow. This surgery SAVED my life, and it gave me my life back. It was the BEST decision that I ever made. It is the BEST money that I have ever spent. If you are over weight, and you have hit rock bottom, and you don't know what to do, I would suggest this surgery to you. If your insurance will not pay for it, finance it. If you can not get financing, figure out a way to pay for it. You will NOT regret it. I promise you that.
I surround myself, with people that have had Bariatric Surgery. I have watched people on You Tube, that have had surgery. I have watched a lot of people's videos, and I have done a lot of research. I have NEVER EVER come accross someone that has lost as much weight as I have, in the short amount of time that I have. I am not questioning it, mind you, but I am a little concerned that I am losing weight too fast. I have gone over everything that I am doing, and I am following the rules. I am taking the right amount of protein per day, so I am not losing muscle. I am eating about 3 ozs of food per meal, which is normal. I am getting all of my vitamins, daily. I am walking every weekday morning, for at least a mile or more. I am being active, and living a more active lifestyle. I am not eating anything that I shouldn't be eating. In short, I am good with structure, and routine, and I am following it exactly. I spent a lot of money on this surgery, and I don't want to screw it up. I am just concerned that I am losing weight too fast. In my research, I have found that it takes most people, at least six months to lose 100 lbs. It has taken me 11 weeks. When I had my pre op, I remember them testing my metobolism, and I burned 4,000 calories a day, doing nothing. Right now I am taking in about 900 - 1,000 calories per day, so maybe that is the reason I am losing so fast. Again, I am not questioning it, I am just a little concerned sometimes. I weigh myself weekly, and I have gotten used to such big numbers, that I get a little frustrated on a week where I have lost like 3 - 4 lbs. Then the following week, I make up with for it with another big loss.
Another thing I thought of was, what if I don't stop losing weight, when I feel I have reached my goal? I think a good weight for me is 180 - 190. What if I continue losing, after that goal has been met? I know, it will eventually stop, but I dont want to be rail thin. I mean, that would be the opposite problem, of what I had before. I have always been a big, strong guy, and I like that about myself, so being rail thin, would bother me. It isn't like there would be anything I could do about being so thin. I mean I couldn't just eat more, and gain weight. I guess I would just have to live with it. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes.
I want to say to anyone that is reading this, that is considering weight loss surgery. My insurance would not cover my surgery. I spent $17,900.00, and my wife spent the same. We financed $25,800.00 of the total. I want to tell you that we struggle financially to pay this debt off every month. We have given up a lot of things that we used to do. We have given up Christmas, Valentine's Day, Birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and pretty much, every gift giving event. We only buy presents for our kids, and we give them a cap of about $100.00, per event. We have scaled back on everything in our house that is not absolutely an essential. We do not take family vacations, and when we do go out, we do things for free, or close to free. We have completely changed our lifestyle. We used to spend a lot of money on things, but we are no longer able to do that. If we go out to dinner, or spend money on something we go out to do, we veiw that as a treat., and it happens MAYBE once a month. I drive an 8 year old car, and it has to last another 3 years. We don't buy things that we want, only things that we absolutely need.
The point of me telling you all of that, is that I have NO REGRETS! I would do it again tomorrow. This surgery SAVED my life, and it gave me my life back. It was the BEST decision that I ever made. It is the BEST money that I have ever spent. If you are over weight, and you have hit rock bottom, and you don't know what to do, I would suggest this surgery to you. If your insurance will not pay for it, finance it. If you can not get financing, figure out a way to pay for it. You will NOT regret it. I promise you that.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Some Questions
I have previously blogged about how much my life has changed. I have told you how my attitude has changed, and all of the things that I am doing to better myself, and reach my full potential. I am a work in progress, and I feel I am getting to where I want to be, each and every day. However somethings are going on, that I can't explain.
First and formost, I have a new mantra that I have to repeat to myself, daily, sometimes hourly. If I don't do this I will go insane. My mantra is: "No one is feeling what I am feeling. I need to be patient." Sometimes, well most of the time, I get frustrated with other people, because they do not have the zest that I have. They can not keep up with me, and I want them to be on the same page that I am. This is a big change for me, and most people are not used to me yet, or are in a wait and see mode. It frustrates me, because I want everyone to change right a long with me, and I have to realize that no one is experiencing what I am. People need to get used to me. I need to give people time to catch up to what I am doing. I am moving at 1,000 miles per second, and no one can keep up. Sometimes they try, but they can't. I need to repeat to myself my mantra or I get frustrated.
Secondly, I have had a few amazing things happen to me. With this new found person I have become, I have been changing my approach to EVERYTHING in my life. With work, I am out there doing new things, I am doing things that should of always been done. With my personal life, I am changing my approach, and mending relationships with my family, that have been damaged in the past. I am putting 110% effort into these new things that I am doing. Problem is, that, sometimes, if I don't see some results, I begin to question myself. I begin to get frustrated, and have been on the brink of quitting doing what I am doing. EVERYTIME, I have been ready to throw in the towel, something AMAZING has happened. Right at that second, when I feel all hope is lost, I get a reminder from someone or something. I get an sign, as I like to call it. This has happened to me twice, already, and the sign has told me that I am doing the right thing, and to keep plugging along. NEVER QUIT!!! I have questioned, why this is happening to me, and I have come to a realization. I believe that God is speaking to me. He sees that I am losing hope, and he tells me that I am doing the right thing, and to keep moving forward. He has spoken to me, and I am listening. Perhaps, he has done that all along, and I am just now, listening to what he is saying to me. One thing is for certain: I am tuned in to what he has to say.
I am the luckiest person in the world, and whenever I get frustrated, I get what I need to move forward.
First and formost, I have a new mantra that I have to repeat to myself, daily, sometimes hourly. If I don't do this I will go insane. My mantra is: "No one is feeling what I am feeling. I need to be patient." Sometimes, well most of the time, I get frustrated with other people, because they do not have the zest that I have. They can not keep up with me, and I want them to be on the same page that I am. This is a big change for me, and most people are not used to me yet, or are in a wait and see mode. It frustrates me, because I want everyone to change right a long with me, and I have to realize that no one is experiencing what I am. People need to get used to me. I need to give people time to catch up to what I am doing. I am moving at 1,000 miles per second, and no one can keep up. Sometimes they try, but they can't. I need to repeat to myself my mantra or I get frustrated.
Secondly, I have had a few amazing things happen to me. With this new found person I have become, I have been changing my approach to EVERYTHING in my life. With work, I am out there doing new things, I am doing things that should of always been done. With my personal life, I am changing my approach, and mending relationships with my family, that have been damaged in the past. I am putting 110% effort into these new things that I am doing. Problem is, that, sometimes, if I don't see some results, I begin to question myself. I begin to get frustrated, and have been on the brink of quitting doing what I am doing. EVERYTIME, I have been ready to throw in the towel, something AMAZING has happened. Right at that second, when I feel all hope is lost, I get a reminder from someone or something. I get an sign, as I like to call it. This has happened to me twice, already, and the sign has told me that I am doing the right thing, and to keep plugging along. NEVER QUIT!!! I have questioned, why this is happening to me, and I have come to a realization. I believe that God is speaking to me. He sees that I am losing hope, and he tells me that I am doing the right thing, and to keep moving forward. He has spoken to me, and I am listening. Perhaps, he has done that all along, and I am just now, listening to what he is saying to me. One thing is for certain: I am tuned in to what he has to say.
I am the luckiest person in the world, and whenever I get frustrated, I get what I need to move forward.
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